General rambling moment

So, what is up with me?
I am debating whether or not to put my house up for sale.
I need to do a serious house cleaning--its so filthy I am ashamed.
I need to find homes for my cats, but am not ready to give up my dogs yet.
I am still on the job hunt.
I want to move to a warmer state.
I am tired of hearing people tell me to break up with Brandan and kick both him and my sister out.
I really want to get into Special Education working with the Behaviorally Challenged.
I want to open my own business--Craft/Coffee Shop that gives crochet lessons.
I want to sleep through the night without waking up with electric shocks running through my legs or tingly almost numb ice cold hands, or various other cramps/muscle spasms--
I want to have a job that gets me out of the house every day AND pays the bills.
I want to be able to stop stressing about what my future holds/doesn't hold.
I don't want to think about what is and isn't happening in my life.
I want people to realize that having my 4-year Bachelor's of Science Degree is not a magic ticket that will solve all my problems.
I want to be able to move without pain again.
I want to be able to take my dogs for a walk and be able to do more than cough and wheeze and wince from pain when I get home...from walking around the block...
I want to be thin and healthy. I don't need to be rich, but would like to make enough money to have a savings account that can pay the bills if I lose my job again, or can help out my family if something goes wrong--like the fact that their fridge decided to melt down today and now has to be replaced so it doesn't cause a fire!--or whatever the emergency is...
I want to not be one of the NEEDY DEGENERATES that is sucking our health care and tax payer system dry...
I want to be what I always dreamed of being...successful, well off, teacher, mother, wife...
I am tired. Just plain tired...
so off to bed I go. Hopefully I will sleep tonight. Tomorrow is another day. Lets see what God has planned...
I still haven't found my journal...think it is time to break open a new one. I have just the one too....
night y'all
me

Thank you and Merry Christmas

I sent out a special Christmas message to a few people I know. Then I changed it for three others that have been especially wonderful friends in my life. Then I realized that there are so many others that I would like to say the same thing to. Then I decided to add it to my blog.

I so miss my journal. I haven't yet decided to keep looking or go ahead and start a new one...Starting over is so difficult for me. LOL, but that is another blog all together...so here is my Christmas Thank You Letter, for everyone that has stepped into my life...
Thank you, thank you for being such a special friend. Thank you for walking with me through this "dark valley" in my life's journey. Thank you for believing in me, especially when I could not. Thank you for not turning away during the moments when I fell and the darkness was too much to handle. And most of all, please know that I will never be able to thank you enough!

I am so excited to finally graduate this Saturday.

I want to let you know that I consider you to be a good friend and appreciate your supporting me through this amazing journey of trust to find peace. While everything is not yet settled and my future (like so many I know--and don't know) is still unknown. I want you to know that I have come to a place of peace.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
I have looked at many possible outcomes for my current situation.

I have looked into putting my house up for a "quick sale" and decided that if necessary that is what I will do. I have friends and family both in Arizona and Oklahoma and have decided that if this is the path I must follow then I plan on moving south to warmer climates :)

I am continuing to apply at whatever positions I find that I know I could do well in, and a few that I am not so sure

I know that Papa G has only my best interest at heart. That He has plans for my future to bless me and others through me. Right now I am learning how to fully trust Him with everything, learning to be at peace despite not having a "goal to work towards" or having a job to pay the bills.

I am starting to dream again.

My first venture into dream land is to start selling my crocheted items on the internet and through word of mouth. It has been a very slow process, but has been very fulfilling as well.

I know that one day I sincerely want to teach youth with behavioral disorders (special ed). There are many ways I would like to see this happen. I special ranch where they can come to work with rescued animals (horses or dogs). In a Montessori type school, where they can have the curriculum set up so it will HELP them succeed, staying right here in Longview, in this house, and opening a center for youth and teens that teaches life skills. Like I said I am starting to dream again.

Yes, I still have moments with my emotions taking over control, I am so far from where I hope to be in that department, but then I have to look at how far I have come as well...and I am much closer than I ever thought I could be.

Yes, I still doubt and wobble from the peace of knowing it will all work out and be more than okay, but then I have remembered how to reach out and ask for help, for someone to lean on, so once again, I have come farther along the way.

Yes, I still have difficulty keeping in touch, journaling, and putting things in writing, but I have discovered the wonder of words again. I have rediscovered my love of writing, so I am again moving forward.

Yes, I have let my physical body become sedentary and sluggish. But, I have begun practicing making better choices and moving again, so I may whine about pain and all that stuff, but it's worth it, to be able to move and move forward to a healthier me.

Yes, I sometimes forget that I have friends who care deeply, even if we aren't in constant contact, talking multiple times everyday...but this too is healthy and normal...I am finding that friendship isn't being the same person and having such an unhealthy relationship, but instead a journey where we walk beside each other, sometimes the paths separate for a time and seem to go in different directions...but I have found that the paths always meet up again somewhere, and I am thankful for that. I am thankful for your friendship. I am thankful for you.

Thank you for your friendship and for being there. I hope that you have a most blessed and happy Christmas and New Year.

hugs,
me

Justice System Need to Know Basis

Well, it seems the justice system let me down again! The Prosecuting Attorney that handled my vandalism case did tell me that she put a contact order against my neighbor Frank Davis. What she didn't tell me was that I would have to make it a long term one after his court date. So now it is my responsibility to go to the court house --or wherever-- to request all of the case numbers I have against him, add today's temper tantrum to the list and place an order against him myself. I have no idea how to do this, nor if it will cost anything. I hope not because I am so broke I can't pay the water bill or my car insurance (praise God I was able to pay everything else!). The police officer was kind enough to give me the information I needed so I can take the next step to making sure that Frank and his families wishes can be fulfilled. Everyone including Frank, want him in prison...he actually sat on his steps waiting for the police, hoping they would arrest him. They didn't because the contact order was only temporary. Sadly, I have not seen a restitution check from when he destroyed my mail box and kicked out two of my car windows. I do not have the PA's name, I don't even remember the date. I was not informed of when the hearing was so I was not able to be there. Love it, NOT!

So now he is still on the streets and I have to wait and see what his next revenge will be. I will have to be outside with my dogs to make sure he doesn't make good on his previous threats to kill them, I will have to be looking over my shoulder to make sure he doesn't make good on his previous threats to harm me...Happy Freaking Christmas Everyone!

If anyone has knowledge of what I need to do to make this problem neighbor go away, I would really appreciate any and all advice...I would prefer to do this the legal way...
me

Today is Bad Emotional Day!

I can't find my journal. I was woken up by my aunt (who I do inhome care for) "so do I take today's no show to mean you quit?" the conversation did not go well, I had overslept. She hung up on me and would not answer my calls to find out if she still wanted me to come over.

I got a letter from WPC saying I owe them money. That one of my classes had not been accounted for before my refund check was cut. The timing of everything shows on my end that this was the Business Office's fault, not mine. Still no word on whether or not I can graduate in 15 days. Let alone finish my last class...

I still do not have a job that will pay the bills. I have used up all of my refund just to survive it until now. I still have a mortgage payment to make for January, car payment, car insurance, and PUD. I am hoping that this months paycheck will pay it all.

I will run out of Dog Food in about two weeks. I will be able to buy them food. --one good thing--

I am doing my best not to think about all of the decisions I will need to make if I cannot find a job soon! But they won't go away. So here they are.

Let the bank foreclose or put my house up for a quicksale and hope it sells for enough that I don't have any house loan left over. Let alone hope for a place to live when it sells. Which would mean that Hannah would have to move back in with our parents and they will have to find some place to put all of their stuff that is in my garage...they are pretty much broke too...fixed incomes and all that...

I will have to take all of my furry children to the pound and hope that they are not euthenized.

I will have to find out how to sell my car for the $4000 I still owe on it...yes I know I owe more than it blue books for...and it still needs transmission and some unknown engine work and some cosmetic stuff done too...I self - reposess (is that a possibility even).

My arthritis is affecting my joints so bad in this weather that I can't move without wincing. Getting more meds means going back to the doctor I can't pay for -- patient assistance still has not determined if they can help me--and taking in my tax returns (that I can't find--I did it online) and pay stubs with a year to date amount on them --I can't find the year to date amount on the state's version of a pay stub--neither can the patient assistance coordinator--and dealing with a doctor who feels that I am not in compliance with my diabetes management plan--it doesn't matter that I don't get but $16 in food stamps and can't afford the expensive healthy fruits and veggies that I have never been a big fan of anyway--nor does it matter that the insulin is not helping me lose weight, which is another reason he feels I am not in compliance--I have gained about 60 lbs since starting back on my insulin shots and lyrica was added to my med list...because the other non-narcotics no longer do much--nevermind the fact that my depression is so great right now it is all I can do to get out of bed and take care of the very beings that give me any sense of hope...oh wait...my pups will have to go to the pound too...that is what breaks me. not losing my house, my car, my meds, my increased pain levels, my cats, my boyfriend, or causing more hardship on my family (which I have caused plenty of that because my life keeps getting trashed!) But the thought that I won't have my boys anymore...why bother trying if I don't have them...why bother anything if I lose them (well I will be choosing to send them to the pound because why should they suffer just because their mom is a no good loser who is a drain on society and the very kind of person that the Republicans can't stand to have breathing the same air as they do....yes I have heard it all, seems they don't realize that I am one of the very people they were bitching about...oh well...they are still good people...doing good work for our community...Nurses work the hardest (besides the ED techs that do most of the work) to take care of us poor low-life scum bags who don't deserve to live on the same planet as they pay for out of their hard earned checks....

oh ya. never mind the fact that I have done everything I can physically do to combat my situation...but ce la vi...no matter what I say or do, it will always be my own fault, so really I have no room to bitch, right?

ya, I am angry. I am sad. I am pissed off. And today, at this moment, right now. I am defeated.
Stay tuned because it can all change in a blink of an eye...God is still God, and I never want THAT particular job...lol...I am merely an undeserving, faithless wretch who is so ever thankful that HE at least knows what HE is doing and still chose to save ME...

off to go pet my boys and do some more crocheting, actually got an order. still hoping. still praying. just having a down moment in my heart and mind...

In need of hugs...
me

Frustration, overwhelming frustration...

Okay, so I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. How many times have we all heard that and/or felt that way? I just started my new (and final) class tonight it is called Health & Fitness for Adults. Thankfully, I have a very compassionate, understanding, and wise (yes I said wise) instructor. Because last night, my notes were filled with explicitives, to put it mildly!

Here is some of my frustrations. I have been diagnosed with several things. Too many if you ask me. Especially since none of which can be "fixed" only coped with and worked with...whatever!

I really want to find information online for people like me! You know the ones everybody (including doctors) call hypochodriacs...because everytime they go to the doctor its something new...yes, I am talking about US!

I want to find information for people like me who have the medical records to back up our "hypochondriac" ways. Information that will help us become healthier and happier too. There are all kinds of websites for people that suffer from "laziness." There are all kinds of websites that talk about specific illnesses. But I have yet to find any that discuss people like me who have a whole laundry lists of VERY REAL health issues to deal with ALL AT ONCE...

So here are mine:
Double Depression (dysthymia coupled with major depression--yes I get suicidal on a regular basis..I will never try it again, but I have those depth of lows)

Fibromyalgia (it's real, trust me I went to one of the top Neurologists in the nation to have him tell me, "You can either believe Fibromyalgia exists--and you have it, or we can continue torturing you with expensive and highly painful tests, that will just prove that you have Fibromyalgia. Oh and you have OsteoArthritis too."

Osteoarthritis--that's the one that makes your joints deteriorate over time, it looks like your joints are surrounded by a cloudy substance.

Exercise induced Asthma--hmmm, probably why my Mother convinced my schools to yank me out of PE classes...

Diabetes type II--insulin dependent now. yeah me!

Abnormal Migraines/TIA's (mini-strokes) this depends on which neurologist you talk to. Yes I know there is a HUGE difference, but I wasn't to cognizant at the time I was having them and so I can only go on the differing opinions listed in my medical charts.

Morbid Obesity--besides genetics, with everything I just listed, is anyone really surprised, I mean seriously? really? how could I possibly be fat? and not just fat but fat to the point of morbidity

Morbid according to the English online dictionary (North America) is defined as 1. interested in gruesome subjects, showing a strong interest in unpleasant or gloomy subjects such as death, murder, or accidents 2. grisly, inspiring disgust or horror (this was my favorite!)

Makes you think, doesn't it.

So in my class we are learning how important it is to become not only physically fit, but to increase our overall "wellness". Since I am currently nursing a broken big toe (don't ask), coming off of Lyrica (gained about 60 pounds in oh about 3 months), and in general, just dealing with a lot of pain, spasms, cramps, insomnia, and more...I am not currently willing to put myself through the torture of walk/jogging 1 1/2 miles just to find out what my level of physical fitness is...hello? Would you if you were in my shoes?

Instead, my instructor has assigned me to do research on the "professional web-sites" to boost my health & wellness vocabulary. Which set me on this wild goose chase for information that doesn't seem to exist. I tried this research project once before about three years ago. I ended up putting together my own little portfolio of information and "ideas" to try until I could find the right fit for me personally.

Not all of the information I found and tried is very healthy. Okay, so drinking alcohol and taking 50 miligrams of benedryl just to dull the pain and get at least 4 hours of sleep is definately NOT healthy...but hey it worked, until I ran out of money and decided I didn't like the side effects of alcohol. This is when I also learned from first hand experience, that alcohol REALLY IS A DEPRESSANT...and to top it off NOT GOOD FOR DIABETICS...yes, all who know me realize that I can be quite dense...or stupid, depending on my latest stunt...

Other things really did make me feel better, maybe not physically, but emotionally. I felt good about myself, proud even that I was accomplishing something positive. Too bad taking Tai Chi classes is so darn expensive!

But nothing ever really helped long term. Mostly because I got to the point where I could just not force myself to "deal with the pain" any more. Especially during these wonderful NorthWest Winters.

Well I am once again weighing in at over 300 pounds. Since I decided that the weight gain was not worth the benefits and stopped taking Lyrica. The numbness and tingling have returned along with the painfully icy fingers and toes. I am tripping over my own feet again, losing my balance, and usually at the most embarrassing moments--of course!

I do not want to live this way. I really do not want to become an invalid,victim of my health at 34. I am too young to give up! Yet after being fired from my job at the John in Dec 2007 then having a complete hysterectomy in Jan 2008. That is exactly what I did. I gave up. Because of that I am now back to square one. I have to start all over again with the "baby steps" of getting healthy.

This means, stretching, slow "easy" exercises --Tai Chi and Qui Gong--and lots and lots of patience with myself. I know I can do it. I know that I can work through the "off the charts" pain levels. What I don't know for certain, is if I will be able to force myself into sticking with it, until these pain levels even out and get back to being a level which I can handle on a daily basis. For me that is about 6/10. Or for a normal person (one of my "healthy" friends who started working out when I did the first time), the level at which they find themselves the day after doing three consecutive circuits on every weight machine in the gym, the treadmill, the elyptical, and then going back to the free weights--just for fun. Why he thought he could do all of this in one day, we will never know, but we still laugh about it--now that he has stopped hurting, of course.

My only dream for Christmas, is to have my very own "working" bathtub in which to soak my poor aching body. Mine seems to have developed a huge crack down the middle of it over these past couple of years...showers are doable, as long as you straddle the crack and hope your foot doesn't slip and get stuck in it. OUCH!

All of this long winded, rambling, narrative started because I couldn't find what I am looking for on this world wide web of ours...go figure. Okay, back to the grind. There has got to be something somewhere, maybe I am just not typing in the right query?

I'll let you know...or you can let me know where to find what I am looking for. I would sincerely appreciate any help I can get. --laters, me

Just thoughts, rolling, crashing. floating away

With graduation on the near horizon I am once again pondering what I would like my future to look like. I would love to be able to say that this has all been a fun and interesting adventure in my life, however, these past 4 years have been tumultuous and even sometimes quite heinous...yes I have been back in touch with my love of words. This English course that I am taking is absolutely a God-send! In my darkness I had forgotten my passion for the written word, in any form! Thanks to Professor Sharp (an amazing woman and educator) I have discovered Flannery O'Connor, rediscovered Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman, and so many others. I have also been introduced to many more authors that I will be reading more of in the future. It has been a very long time since I visited my old friend, Longview Public Library. I think it will soon be time to visit the old gal once again.

Back to my impending future. So many ideas have ran through my mind that I find it difficult to focus on much else. Sorry Professor Sharp, I still have not completed last weeks homework assignment let alone started on this weeks. Thoughts weave in and out of each other so quickly that I cannot even type that fast. I have given up on trying to write in my journal. It becomes so chaotic that I can't even read my own writing. I have gone so far as sweeping and doing laundry just to keep my hands busy enough to try and sift through the myriad of thoughts.

What are my interests? Books, books and more books. The library is not currently hiring...cofee and tea, crocheting, writing, reading, teaching...awe that one stands out more than the others. At the thought of teaching my heart skips a beat and my chest contracts. Could I? Should I? Where to begin? I have applied with ESD 112 for a paraeducator position. I have freinds, co-workers, and classmates writing (or attempting to) letters of reference for me so that I may apply with the local school districts. I have agreed to teach a friend of mine and her daughter how to knit and/or crochet...this too will look good on my resume as teaching experience right?

To be honest, right now I just want a job that will pay the bills and let me save a little as well. I wish that in my brokeness I have conquered my addictive spending issues. But I don't think I have. I have learned to keep track of all receipts, to write down what I have spent my money on (the secret here was to trick my mind by calling it a financial JOURNAL, since I love to journal), yet I still find myself looking at the account log and wondering where all the money has gone and WHY SO QUICKLY??? Mentally I realize that to break a lifelong, inherited and ingrained habit will take time and baby steps...However, if I am ever going to get out of this hole I am in (I don't have credit cards or credit card debt, now phone company's that is a different tale all together)I must figure out how to be SMART about my spending...I really don't have much to cut back on. I use the internet for school, therefore it is a necessity, I don't pay for cable, I have switched to NET10 for my phone, I have a wonderful benefactor that has provided for most of my gasaline needs, thanks to the hardworking taxpayers, of which I still am one, I receive public assistance in the form of Food Stamps, thanks again to big powerful pharmaceutical companies I have my few remaining meds that I take paid for, or at least the cost reduced, thanks to the tax write-off and once again the hardworking taxpayers I do not pay for my doctor visits or lab fees...I do still have all of my warm furry pets, I refuse to take them to the pound where they will be euthenized due to overcrowding and a new policy they have about abandoned pets...they are my children, can a parent just give away their child. They are very likely the only kind of children I will ever be able to have (complete hystorectomy January 2008-a blessing in everyway!). Last time I checked they didn't let people who cannot afford to take care of themselves adopt.

back to future ideas...this is exactly what really happens in my mind as I try to focus on one thought it inevitably drifts off into another thought, at least when I am writing (or in this case typing) them down I can go back and remind myself why I started writing in the first place...so back to possible dreams for my future...

coffee and tea shop that offers free craft lessons with purchase of menu item...open late for the working adults who still wish to learn a new hobby...

juvenile counselor

special education teacher--specializing in behaviorally challenged students

montisorry school administrator/teacher

camp director/youth counselor for children with behavioral challenges

author -- poetry & short stories

photographer/artist with black and white or sepia nature scenes (mostly trees)

Drama teacher/English teacher -- middle school

Adult Educator--basic education for adults returning to college...so many of my classmates have not been taught the basic fundamental skills such as: note taking, textbook reading, literary analysis, college level report writing, academic research, etcetera etcetera.

Professional (get paid for it) Blogger

Life skills coach/counselor (don't know where to begin research on this one)

So there are the ones I can think of right now. With so many ideas, I just don't know where to begin for a Master's degree, what should my major be? Where should I go to school (online, or one night a week programs are preferred since I choose to stay at my house for another 6 years--when the 10 year contract will be done--has it really been 4 already? and work to pay for it...)

Okay now that I have gotten all of this down in black and white it is time to sincerely finish my already late homework. I need to write at the very least a 90% paper since I will be losing 10% due to it being late...
Later Y'all,
me

Lost in Portland

October 24, 2009
Now that the horror is over and I am safe back in my apartment. All is well. I cannot believe I just spent the last 3 hours driving around Portland, mostly due to getting lost and not knowing where I was going to begin with. All I wanted was a cup to put hot tea in. That’s it! Oh and a bowl for breakfast in the morning. Now it is nearly 2 a.m. and I have not gotten my homework done. I have to redo all of my notes for the final presentation because I forgot them at home too. I have had no luck with this weekend course. The first weekend I ended up with an ulcer on my right eye, which made having my eyes open nearly unbearable, even with two sets of sunglasses on. This weekend I couldn’t find a cloak for my group presentation outfit—the presentation was on Halloween and I wanted to dress as close to a druid might have dressed as possible—needless to say, no cloak. I am now familiar with all of S.E. Division between I-205 and 22nd Avenue. I found something like five second hand/thrift shops, two Halloween costume type capes that were made from flimsy gross material—NOT what I was looking for. Oh well. I made it to class on time and our group projects turned out really well. SC was impressed with the other group that was presenting and told me that I had to “bring it” with my part of our presentation—so I did! I went ahead, put on my red stretch velour Halloween costume, and had them turn off the lights so that the only light coming into the room was from the streetlight shining through the window. Then I completely improved a prayer. Dana would have been so proud. I know I was extremely proud of it. The instructor, Susanna Lundgren (an amazing and multi-talented woman!) told me that she was impressed and thought it was excellent.

I never thought that I would become a classical music person, yet the music that Susanna brought for us to discuss tonight is so amazing that I asked if I could copy it all onto my laptop. She gladly let me. Now I have some really amazing and highly eclectic music on this laptop. I will have to remember to burn it all off onto CD’s when I get home.

I wish that I could be writing this into my journal, but my body is aching so badly right now, it hurts to hold a pen. Typing is so much easier on my hands. Plus it is easier to keep up with my thoughts when I can type them verses having to wait for my slow hands to get everything written out. I almost don’t have to think about my typing, not the way you do when you write. The only annoying thing about typing it out in Word is that Word keeps trying to correct my grammar and punctuation. I am too tired to figure out how to turn that helper off. I have so much work to do and no energy to do it.
Oh well. The sooner started the sooner finished. Here’s to another day and a life in my insanity.

Oh ya, the campus WI-FI appears to be turned off at 1a.m. so that is why I am not able to put this directly onto my blogger account. –laters, me

p.s. this is written at a 6th grade level. Just a thought.

Death with Dignity—an inherent right?

Imagine with me if you will, a young adult female. She is 21 years old, is morbidly obese, and has a history of suicidal ideation and actions. Last year she was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes (DM II). This year she was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a weird syndrome where the most common symptom is widespread muscle pain—“fibro” meaning fibers (muscle) and “myalgia” meaning pain or inflammation). Most doctors do not believe in Fibromyalgia and treat the patient like a hypochondriac.
Skip forward eleven years, she is now 32, in college working on her Bachelor's degree. In the past eleven years, she has watched family members become so overweight that they can barely walk from their bed to the bathroom (all of 20 steps, if that). She has watched a grandmother die of diabetic complications, chronic heart disease (CHF), cardio pulmonary obstructive disease (COPD), complicated with “the loss of will to live.” She watched aunts lay in hospital beds as they begged her to “get healthy” so she would not become like them.
She has watched her mother and her father’s health deteriorate to the point that her father is now blind from diabetic complications and her mother, well her mother is another story in and of itself. She has worked through pain and muscle spasms. She has endured the heartache of weighing 325 pounds, wearing a women’s plus size 32, to weighing 265 pounds, wearing a plus size of 20. She received the diagnosis of osteoarthritis, finding out that her pain had been aggravated by being medicated incorrectly and will need to start an entirely new medicine regimen. She ended the year with an “exit interview” from the job she had held for nearly seven years.
Everything she identified with, everything she knew, every dream she had, instantly collapsed around her. Her only thought within her shocked mind was “I worked myself sick for what? What have I got to look forward to now, more pain, more obscure ailments that are blamed on diabetes, fibromyalgia, or the morbid obesity?” She could not help but wonder: what was going through God’s almighty brain, what was the point of living, why she feels driven to a masochistic need to continue getting out of bed each day. She longed for a day without pain, without stress, without the life in which she struggles to survive.
Fast forward again. She is now 34. She has since worked in fast food, without the much-needed pain controlling medications and so coming perilously close to her genetic destiny of alcoholism. She has also gone without the necessary insulin and diabetic medications and so her blood sugar levels are ridiculously high. She decides to return to In Home Care as an Independent Provider. This means that she is working part-time as a Soft Serve Specialist and with two separate individuals suffering from various disabilities and severe cases of negative attitude. Translated into a work schedule, she is now working seven days a week on top of having college courses on one of those nights. She still struggles to survive emotionally, mentally, and financially; continues to wonder what God has planned; and rolls from her bed each day hoping for some relief from the monotonous aching pain, overwhelming worries, and near constant tension headache. Amazed that the daily overdose of Tylenol, Motrin, and Aleve has not killed off vital body organs, she contemplates if and how much God truly cares for her situation.
You must be wondering what my point is by now. It is simply this; death would be such a relief from her life. Judging by the current pattern of diagnosis that so closely resembles that of both parents, she agonizingly observes their continued development of infirmity; knowing that her future holds the culmination of their genetic cesspools. She rarely visits her family; she would rather live in denial than face the reality of her life.
Now think about the terminally ill patients with cancer, quadriplegics with no hope of recovery, those with intense pain levels that no longer respond to legal medications. Consider those suffering with dementia (including the well-known Alzheimer’s disease), Lou Gehrig’s disease, Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus, or any number of diseases that will one day leave them a living corpse, dependent on others for total care, including the intimate details of bathing and toileting.
Death with Dignity or doctor assisted suicide has become quite an inflammatory issue. Should the politicians "legislate" a person’s death? Should the government have a say in deciding how and when a person will die and thereby arbitrate a living death sentence? Simply put, NO! When faced with a definite prognosis of “poor quality of life,” individuals should be allowed the right to decide when and how they will die.
Advanced Directives (Living Will) detailing whether or not heroic measures are to be taken upon demise have already become approved. To be legally binding, the patient, the physician, and preferably any children must sign this document or family members that may be expected to make such a decision; it must then be notarized and placed with the hospital records, the doctor’s records. Keeping it in a prominent location in the home where emergency personnel can easily find it is also a necessity. It is preferred that a family member also be given a copy of the document and some even go so far as to keep a card in the wallet or purse notifying emergency responders to the documents existence. This document can also be rescinded or modified at any time, so long as the person is considered mentally cognizant and able to make such decisions (this can only be decided by the person’s physician or mental health provider). I believe that there should also be Death with Dignity directives that would be held to the same standards and legalities as mentioned above for the Advanced Directives. I say that Death with Dignity should be legalized nationwide and allowing individual physicians the choice to assist or not.
Besides, if a person truly wants to die—then die they will. Wouldn’t a prescription, or medicine administered by a licensed physician be a preferable scenario than that of—let’s say—a bullet through the head with blood, bone, and brain matter ubiquitously splattered.