Just thoughts, rolling, crashing. floating away

With graduation on the near horizon I am once again pondering what I would like my future to look like. I would love to be able to say that this has all been a fun and interesting adventure in my life, however, these past 4 years have been tumultuous and even sometimes quite heinous...yes I have been back in touch with my love of words. This English course that I am taking is absolutely a God-send! In my darkness I had forgotten my passion for the written word, in any form! Thanks to Professor Sharp (an amazing woman and educator) I have discovered Flannery O'Connor, rediscovered Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman, and so many others. I have also been introduced to many more authors that I will be reading more of in the future. It has been a very long time since I visited my old friend, Longview Public Library. I think it will soon be time to visit the old gal once again.

Back to my impending future. So many ideas have ran through my mind that I find it difficult to focus on much else. Sorry Professor Sharp, I still have not completed last weeks homework assignment let alone started on this weeks. Thoughts weave in and out of each other so quickly that I cannot even type that fast. I have given up on trying to write in my journal. It becomes so chaotic that I can't even read my own writing. I have gone so far as sweeping and doing laundry just to keep my hands busy enough to try and sift through the myriad of thoughts.

What are my interests? Books, books and more books. The library is not currently hiring...cofee and tea, crocheting, writing, reading, teaching...awe that one stands out more than the others. At the thought of teaching my heart skips a beat and my chest contracts. Could I? Should I? Where to begin? I have applied with ESD 112 for a paraeducator position. I have freinds, co-workers, and classmates writing (or attempting to) letters of reference for me so that I may apply with the local school districts. I have agreed to teach a friend of mine and her daughter how to knit and/or crochet...this too will look good on my resume as teaching experience right?

To be honest, right now I just want a job that will pay the bills and let me save a little as well. I wish that in my brokeness I have conquered my addictive spending issues. But I don't think I have. I have learned to keep track of all receipts, to write down what I have spent my money on (the secret here was to trick my mind by calling it a financial JOURNAL, since I love to journal), yet I still find myself looking at the account log and wondering where all the money has gone and WHY SO QUICKLY??? Mentally I realize that to break a lifelong, inherited and ingrained habit will take time and baby steps...However, if I am ever going to get out of this hole I am in (I don't have credit cards or credit card debt, now phone company's that is a different tale all together)I must figure out how to be SMART about my spending...I really don't have much to cut back on. I use the internet for school, therefore it is a necessity, I don't pay for cable, I have switched to NET10 for my phone, I have a wonderful benefactor that has provided for most of my gasaline needs, thanks to the hardworking taxpayers, of which I still am one, I receive public assistance in the form of Food Stamps, thanks again to big powerful pharmaceutical companies I have my few remaining meds that I take paid for, or at least the cost reduced, thanks to the tax write-off and once again the hardworking taxpayers I do not pay for my doctor visits or lab fees...I do still have all of my warm furry pets, I refuse to take them to the pound where they will be euthenized due to overcrowding and a new policy they have about abandoned pets...they are my children, can a parent just give away their child. They are very likely the only kind of children I will ever be able to have (complete hystorectomy January 2008-a blessing in everyway!). Last time I checked they didn't let people who cannot afford to take care of themselves adopt.

back to future ideas...this is exactly what really happens in my mind as I try to focus on one thought it inevitably drifts off into another thought, at least when I am writing (or in this case typing) them down I can go back and remind myself why I started writing in the first place...so back to possible dreams for my future...

coffee and tea shop that offers free craft lessons with purchase of menu item...open late for the working adults who still wish to learn a new hobby...

juvenile counselor

special education teacher--specializing in behaviorally challenged students

montisorry school administrator/teacher

camp director/youth counselor for children with behavioral challenges

author -- poetry & short stories

photographer/artist with black and white or sepia nature scenes (mostly trees)

Drama teacher/English teacher -- middle school

Adult Educator--basic education for adults returning to college...so many of my classmates have not been taught the basic fundamental skills such as: note taking, textbook reading, literary analysis, college level report writing, academic research, etcetera etcetera.

Professional (get paid for it) Blogger

Life skills coach/counselor (don't know where to begin research on this one)

So there are the ones I can think of right now. With so many ideas, I just don't know where to begin for a Master's degree, what should my major be? Where should I go to school (online, or one night a week programs are preferred since I choose to stay at my house for another 6 years--when the 10 year contract will be done--has it really been 4 already? and work to pay for it...)

Okay now that I have gotten all of this down in black and white it is time to sincerely finish my already late homework. I need to write at the very least a 90% paper since I will be losing 10% due to it being late...
Later Y'all,
me